


about today

by lionheart8



Category: Succession (TV 2018)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Gen, M/M, Overdosing, Pre-Canon, Pre-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionheart8/pseuds/lionheart8
Summary: "kendall almost overdoses once when he was 20.through the years, there are times his indulgence gets him dangerously close to the end - not that he cares. not that he thinks anybody cares."well, there are actually two people who are probably unaware of this fact too, that care deeply about kendall.
Relationships: Kendall Roy & Roman "Romulus" Roy, Stewy Hosseini/Kendall Roy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	about today

**Author's Note:**

> hello! 
> 
> so, this show is too hard to write for. there is no way i could replicate the amazing dialogues it has nor the briliant insults they use. but i tried to write in character, the key word being "tried". 
> 
> i had this headcanon ever since i watched season 1 episode 7 'austerlitz' where roman picks up kendall when he was getting high with the wolf obsessed gang. well, we all know that the roy family hates each other's guts but i believe kendall and roman have a different connection. like the way kendall drops everything to go get kendall or how furious kendall was at logan, for the first time in season 2, when logan hit roman or the looks they shared in the season 2 finale that meant too much. 
> 
> my headcanon goes that roman actually saw kendall overdose when they were younger and that's why he at least has some positive feelings toward kendall. like it kind of created this unspoken connection. and well, while exploring my headcanon i added stewy to the story because his dynamic with kendall is so interesting. they are constantly backstabbing each other but there is also "the friend card". i left their interactions ambigious so it is open to interpretation as it is on the show. 
> 
> you'll see that the overdosing part isn't medically accurate. all i know on the subject comes from the various tv shows and films i watched and web md wasn't much help on the subject. if you could please ignore the inaccuricies there that would be great. 
> 
> hope you'll like it!

kendall almost overdoses once.

through the years, there are times his indulgence gets him dangerously close to the end - not that he cares. not that he thinks anybody cares.

never as close as when he was 20, though. he was home for the weekend for whatever it was the fucking reason. finishing one white line after the other after logan threw one of his trademarked tantrums. shiv was out. roman hiding out in his room.

now, the house was too empty. shiv was still out. roman was still hiding out in his room. kendall wasn't even hearing the cutlery sounds from the kitchen nor the silent whispers wondering why logan roy just grilled one of his children.

so, maybe, his nose moved through the table a couple more times then it usually does. or, maybe, he mixed up too many things. an empty bottle of tequila standing on the ground, two bottles of beer lying on their side.

* * *

roman hated this house. he hated his mom who didn't have the balls to stay with logan. he hated shiv and kendall for torturing him as if they weren't tortured enough by the hands of their beloved father.

yeah, logan was yelling at kendall and roman was barely making out the words. it wasn't his problem. he was trying to tiptoe around logan, trying not to step on his tail. kendall should have done the same.

but, he was 15, and he was out of cigarettes and if kendall didn't already have money enough to last him ten lifetimes he would have become a drug dealer.

what roman expected to happen upon entering kendall's room was hearing a couple of 'fuck you's and 'get out's or, some cursing that was more creative than anything he could have made up that moment. with a small chance he expected kendall to toss him a pack without speaking - trying to hide the portion of his face reddening with the impact of logan's huge hand.

what he did not expected to see was kendall lying on the ground mumbling things to himself.

his first instinct was, of course, to kick kendall with his foot to get him up.

"kendall, get the fuck up." roman said and kendall didn't reply. "i need something to smoke, come on."

a barely audiable "fuck off roman..." was heard from kendall as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

roman did wish death on every single member of this family more than once, and more than once, he meant it. he was pretty sure the other members of the family did that for him and the others as well. favourite pass time activity for the roy household.

but, now that the thought of kendall actually, like really, literally dying was crossing his mind and maybe, happening in front of him, he didn't know what to think.

he was well aware of how drunk or high kendall acted like. in fact, roman made it a successful characteristic of his to distinguish between the sober and not-sober version of everybody in the family.

drunk kendall was depressed. he talked about things he would normally never say to roman - not that they had any other meaningful conversation about anything when they were sober.

and high kendall was insufferable. not making sense half of the time, causing trouble and mixing up with the wrong kind of people as logan would say.

this was none of them.

roman kneeled down next to kendall and only then realized that kendall's t-shirt was soaking wet and there were sweat drops collecting on his forehead.

"kendall!" roman tried once more wanting to shake kendall by his shoulder but being too grossed out to do that.

"kendall, you asshole, if you die on me logan would kill me too and i don't want to die." roman continued trying to be his normal sarcastic self.

he thought, if he just annoyed kendall enough, kendall would get up the ground and push him out of the room.

he didn't.

"fuck." roman mumbled under his breath. "fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" it went on and on getting louder with every fuck.

nobody was at home except two maids in the kitchen and roman was not going to call mrs.something (no, he still did not know her name) to deal with one of the roy children, possibly, most definitely overdosing in his own bedroom.

a second later, he grabbed kendall's phone, pulling the cord so fast that it almost toppled down from the table.

twenty minutes later stewy was ringing the door bell as mrs.something answered the door. twenty seconds later stewy was opening the door to kendall's room.

without giving a second look at roman he kneeled down next to kendall.

"hey, bro, get up. hey." stewy said slapping the shit out of kendall's face.

"i already tried that fuckface." roman said being the little shit he was.

in reality, for the past twenty minutes while waiting for stewy, all roman did was to shake kendall slowly afraid he was gonna make things worse. like his touch would freeze kendall and, then, break him like a glass.

"kendall, come on, fuck." stewy said gulping down too loud. roman noticed the way stewy was holding kendall's face between his hands right now, moving his thumb through kendall's cheek.

then, in a whim, stewy poured the rest of the second bottle of votka on kendall's face and roman grimaced. through that, roman also didn't miss the way stewy's hands were shaking while holding the bottle.

"yeah, because he doesn't have enough shit in his system." roman said under his breath but every second kendall wasn't showing any sign of life roman was wondering whether finally one of his christmas wishes came true.

attacking was his defence system. sue me, roman thought.

"i should call someone..." roman said without moving from his place with his voice shriller than he wanted. "...911 or logan or mom or connor but someone..."

in hindsight roman knew that wasn't the brightest light bulb he had. there was a reason he did not dial 911 before. still, if the choice was between kendall dying and, them getting into trouble roman was ready to be written out of the will.

"no." stewy replied finally taking a moment to look at roman's face.

"oh, well, i didn't know you got a degree from medicine school, university, whatever the fuck it is, at the age of 20." roman shot back knowing full well they actually did not have the time to argue.

"so, you wanna be the one to tell fucking logan that his heir, because connor sure as fuck isn't, is lying fucked up in his room probably needing a stomach pump." stewy shot back better.

roman wondered if stewy knew they did not have the time to argue either. roman did not reply. not because they were running out of time, but more because he did not want to have this convo with his dad which would surely end with roman pinned to the wall as logan growled.

"help me carry him to the bathroom." stewy ordered and roman finally detected a tone of panic in stewy's voice too.

he wondered for a second what would happen if kendall actually died on them. he wondered if their mom or shiv would cry? he wondered if that would mean he would become the heir to everything roy or would connor claim the title?

(he wondered who would step in between him and logan the next time. or, who he would share silent looks with at family dinners when everything became too much.)

roman nodded and, then the two of them were quite literally dragging kendall behind them, and into the bathroom that kendall had in his room. once kendall was propped next to the toilet roman took a step back.

he kept looking at stewy for him to say something about what they would do next. that's why stewy was there. that's why roman called him. well, he just redialed the last number kendall called up from his phone knowing it would be stewy.

"things are gonna get fucking ugly now roman." stewy said with a shaky voice as he threw his three thousand dollar jacket onto the bathroom floor.

given stewy snorted as much white powder mixed with different coloured pills as kendall roman believed he knew what he was doing. well, actually, roman knew, most of the time they put shit in their systems together. sitting by kendall's window getting high in the middle of the night and kicking an eleven-year-old roman out of the room every time he dared to knock.

stewy stuck his fingers down kendall's throat and roman turned his face away. he expected to hear some gagging sound followed by kendall hurling everything inside him down their new york mansion's sewer system. but he didn't.

instead he heard stewy's almost pleading voice.

"come on, ken. come on. please." stewy said almost like a whisper. "you are not fucking dying on me you piece of shit." he added a few seconds later.

his words and his voice meant completely different things to roman. stewy's words were harsh, angry but his voice made it sound like he was begging, and roman knew begging.

roman didn't know exactly know how much stewy had to stick his fingers down but, finally, kendall started to throw up the the shit he hit up to numb his brain, probably to forget all the poisonous words logan spat out. that fucking awfully loud sound made roman want to throw up everything inside his stomach too - the gold pleated chocolate he stole from shiv's room and the sandwich he took from the kitchen with the sleight of his hand.

even through the sickening noises kendall was making, roman heard stewy take in a breath of relief.

as for roman, he backed towards the opposite wall while his legs gave out under him, and once his back was leaning against the wall, he let himself slump down to the ground.

a few minutes later, roman finally looked up from his lap and to the scene in front of him. his eyes met with stewy's and stewy nodded slowly.

_roman would not talk about the way stewy was so carefully rubbing circles on kendall's back and stewy would pretend he didn't notice the tears streaming down roman's face right now._

and anyway, the next day, stewy and kendall would be joined at the hip like always. they would still kick roman out of the room and roman would keep annoying kendall, breaking out laughing every time somebody embarrassed him in the dinner table.

shiv won't know about that night. neither will logan. and, definitely, not their mother.

_roman would not think about how easily stewy climbed up next to kendall in the bed and stewy would not say how roman slept on the ground, next to kendall's bed, lying on the pillows he brought from his room._

but roman would systematically steal and, then, throw away some of kendall's pills that were stashed away in his room and he would always go pick up kendall when he was too drunk or too high out of his fucking mind to make any sense. he never, ever wished death on kendall because he wasn't the brightest 15-year-old and he definitely didn't believe in a higher power, or else logan wouldn't be logan and the roy family wouldn't exist, but he was too afraid of the power of his shitty, meaningless words. and, if kendall wasn't there to step in...well, he was, so no use in thinking about that, roman concluded.

and for the next few years, until kendall followed the wholly and glamorous roy path and stewy took his own route along with the other members of the 1%, stewy, well he decided to be the middle man between kendall and their dealer so he could make sure kendall never had enough on him for fucking roman, or the maids from the 99%, to find him out cold on the floor. also because, stewy did not want to put on a hugo boss suit and half a thousand worth of sunglasses to stand at his third-oldest friend's funeral. because that would be too much of a hassle, not because stewy could not lose whatever the fuck their relationship could be called.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!
> 
> i mostly wrote it through roman's eyes because i wanted to explore his thoughts and feelings toward kendall. and also, i wanted to provide an outsider perspective to the stewy and kendall dynamic so it's up to you to interpret the specifics and the details. the story also relies more to inner thoughts than dialogues because i did not trust myself to capture the essence of succession's dialogue.
> 
> anyway, this show might be about horrible millionaires who will probably be tortured in the bad place but these relationship make me emotional.
> 
> i don't know much i managed to capture roman's personality but, uhmm, close enough i guess and writing for the past kinda gave me a sense of (possibley false) confidence because time passed until they became the people on the show right now. 
> 
> let me know what you think!
> 
> also, if roman can escape logan's grasp just a little i believe he could side with kendall in s3. so, please @ jesse armstrong
> 
> *the title comes from the national song 'about today'. the chorus "how close am i to losing you?" kinda reminded me of what roman and stewy were thinking kinda counting the days till kendall hit too much.
> 
> talk to me on my tumblr : @jon-astronaut


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